Why Comparison is the Thief of Joy (And How to Break Free)

From a young age, I remember looking to others to help me define who I was. I didn’t know who I wanted to be, and honestly, I had more things about myself that I disliked than things I appreciated. I sought validation from culture, from the people and trends that seemed well-liked and popular. In my mind, if they were admired by others, surely they must like themselves. And so, my journey of comparison began.

I constantly asked myself, "What do they have that I don’t?" Their hair wasn’t like mine, their eyes weren’t like mine, and they didn’t seem to carry the same insecurities. They appeared smarter, faster, prettier, funnier, and more confident. These traits seemed to guarantee their likability and success, and who doesn’t want to be both likable and successful? So, I chased after what I saw in them. I tried to mimic their attributes, hoping they would make me more acceptable in the eyes of others. But what I didn’t realize was that in the process, I was overlooking the beauty of my own God-given talents and uniqueness, diluting myself into a watered-down, inauthentic version of who I was created to be.

Instead of focusing on discovering who I was and nurturing the gifts I naturally possessed, I buried them beneath layers of doubt, insecurity, and the lie that I wasn’t enough as I was.

Then came a turning point. After years of frustration, trying to force myself into an identity that wasn’t mine, I realized that suffocating my true self was never going to lead me to fulfillment. I needed to stop the endless chase and start the real work of discovering me—the me I had always been but had neglected for so long. When I shifted my focus inward, I began to see that I already had everything I was longing to find. I just hadn’t recognized it.

For years, I had lived with the pain of rejection, but what I didn’t realize was that I had begun to reject myself. Comparison had stolen the opportunity for me to truly know myself. It distracted me, convincing me to chase after others’ lives instead of celebrating the unique journey and gifts that were intended just for me. I had spent so much time looking outward for identity that I had forgotten to look within. But when I finally did—when I started nurturing my God-given gifts—an unexpected version of myself emerged. She was intelligent, resilient, determined, and full of grace. She was someone I not only liked but also wanted to get to know more.

As I dug deeper, I realized something amazing: I was already the person I had longed to become. The more I tapped into my true self, the more I saw that I was exactly who I was meant to be, and that felt liberating. That’s when I learned to celebrate myself. I no longer needed external validation or to conform to standards that weren’t designed for me. It was time to fully embrace and love who I was and redefine success on my own terms.

Once I broke free from the comparison trap, I discovered the freedom to fully embrace my true self, and that has been the most liberating journey of all. Wherever you are on your path of self-discovery and identity, I want to encourage you: don’t waste another moment trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t meant for you. Instead, tap into the unique gifts and talents that God has given you. Focus on becoming not who others expect you to be, but exactly who you were designed to be.